Thursday, October 15, 2009

Saving My Baby






I gave birth on a February afternoon by repeat caesarean. A pink, squalling bundle was handed to me, and I gazed lovingly into eyes that seemed to recognize me. I whispered sweet words of belonging to this girl child of mine, and comforted her outraged cries. She was the daughter I so desperately wanted.

A week after her birth, a friend dropped off a ring sling. I snuggled my 7 lb bundle into it and went about my way with a mostly content baby. Within two weeks, I was wearing her constantly. Towards afternoon, she’d begin to sob and scream inconsolably. She would arch and thrash, refuse to nurse, refuse a soother, the swing, my arms. The only thing that would quiet her screams was the sling.

Screamy baby began to lose weight. I carried her – day in, day out – in the sling. Repeated trips to the doctor revealed nothing. She was unable to nurse, screaming hysterically within moments of latch on.I was told rudely “ Do breast compressions. Breast is best.” Breast compressions made her choke and gag... and scream. I began feeding her formula. We went back to the doctor. Reflux. Milk Intolerance. Delayed gastric emptying. Her weight gain was poor, and the screaming increased in volume. Nights were long, filled with arching, thrashing baby. There was many a night that I slept with her in the sling, sitting up on the couch, unwilling to move her from her comfort zone. People told me I was spoiling her. I told them “ We’re coping. This is all that works.” I was told to let her cry it out, but I had no desire to abandon my child to a dark room to cry out her angst. My responsibility to her did not end when the sun went down. I whispered in her ear that I couldn’t stop her crying, but I could hold her while she cried.

I paced the floors with her, snuggled tummy to tummy in the sling. At six months, I begged the doctor to hospitilize her – I knew something was dreadfully wrong. The paediatrician agreed. She was poked, prodded, xrayed, and force fed. The screaming continued.

A day before discharge, my pediatrician’s partner waltzed into our room with his holier than thou attitude. He told me I wasn’t putting in the effort to feed her, to put her in another room to sleep and let her cry it out. I banned him from treating my child.

I worked part time, baby in sling. I got a mei tai, two more ring slings. I carried her everywhere. In the shower. To the doctor, to the park, on playdates. People nastily asked me how she would learn to walk if I never put her down. I ignored them. Carrying her stopped the screaming.

Just before her first birthday, she developed a high fever and cough. I took her to the ER, still wrapped in my sling. We waited 7 hours. Xrays revealed her heart was enlarged. We were admitted. I carried her nonstop for the next few days – through a terrifying whirlwind of echocardiograms and finally a diagnosis. During one particularly memorable screaming fit, a nurse turned to me in tears, and handed me my sling. My daughter quieted, safe in her sling.

She was in heart failure. A rare and very serious heart defect had been causing massive heart attacks. Fatality rates were 90% in the first year. The screaming was her suffering from crushing chest pain. In the hallway, the cardiologist turned to me and quietly told me that it was my parenting – the constant carrying – that had allowed her to survive against all odds.

My daughter never cried alone, left in a room. Had I ever practiced CIO, I would have woken to a lifeless baby. I held her through months of gut wrenching doubt, moments when I cried too. But today, I watch my daughter play and run, and laugh. I carried her through a mom’s worst nightmare... and we both survived.

Sarah Kaganovsky

Updated- October 2010~

Mila is now a happily thriving three and a half year old. The scrawny screaming baby has grown into a confident and outgoing preschooler because of the constant babywearing. looking back, it amazes me... My trusty sling and I... We SAVED her.

Mila now has had two brain surgeries as well. And a little sister! The only way I've been able to care for them both is to be wearing one. In a way, babywearing has allowed us to cope as a normal family. The baby deserves Mommy. Mila requires hands on care. And I can provide both girls exactly what they need!

221 comments:

  1. I have no words....just tears.

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  2. My thoughts exactly!! Wow, what a wonderful and strong mother you are!

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  3. You are one strong mamma! Your strength inspires me!

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  4. You guys rock my world. Without the help of the community of moms here, I don't know that we *could* have done it.

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  5. What an incredible story about the power of instinctive mothering and the amazing bond that can be fostered through babywearing. Thank you for sharing!

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  6. Wow. I really needed to read this today. It confirmed that what I did for my own daughter (who is going through major medical issues) was the right thing.

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  7. Wow this story was incredible. Instant tears to my eyes.

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  8. Wow. You are truly a lifesaver to your precious daughter. Wow. Sobbing.

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  9. i sit in tears...wow. reminded of my daughter, whose twin sister died before they were born...she cried...so much. she lived in the sling for months...9 months....what a blessing that you ignored all the ugly comments and saved your baby girl's life. God bless you!

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  10. Oh. I am in awe. what you did for your baby just leaves me in tears. You saved her life and there is a reason God sent this baby to you. So you coudl save her life.

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  11. Amazing. Shows what being attached to your baby can provide & that Mommy's do know best.

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  12. I can always tell you are a wonderful mother but I sure didn't know the extent of it. I am proud to know you and read the example you have set for parents everywhere.

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  13. WOW! Love intuition and the strength of momma's to follow it despite others "lack". I had my own bit 3 months ago with a completely different outcome, but still God's will and full of blessings. Give your baby a kiss for me as I wait to reunite with mine.

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  14. I am in tears too - can't really think of adequte words but wanted to send you much love and I hope your baby is doing well now.

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  15. To know you Sarah, is one of the best gifts of my life. I am blessed to call you my friend. And I want to tell these ladies that to hear your astounding story is only one part of the picture. Through this all, you helped other moms, moms who themselves were battling doctors and disbelievers. You helped us find our voices and our strength to help our own babies through an illness your daughter never even had. And for that, we will always be grateful. My love to you and your beautiful little girl and your other precious ones too.

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  16. Why do people feel compelled to interfere with a mother's intuition? I hope you made a point of writing to the pediatrician's partner who was so smug, whom you banned from treatment. That doctor needs to know what your daughter had and to be given a chance to correct a bad attitude and learn humility.
    God bless you and your child. Wonderful to hear the outcome. Very affirming.

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  17. Carol - He runs in the other direction now. Everyone in the local medical community knows us - a year later, my daughter had brain surgery for another extraordinarily rare condition, unrelated to her heart defect. When I say jump, the doctors ask how high - on the way up.

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    1. I’m so proud of you! I can only imagine how his “Holier than Thou” presence must have effected you. Your strength and courage to ban a doctor from your daughter is something we should never have to experience as mothers and I am moved by your determination and gut instinct. Too often mothers bow down to “doctor knows best” out of way too much respect for the profession and it’s “authority” over us.

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  18. What an amazing blessing! If I knew you, I would give you a big bear-squeeze hug. I hope other mothers follow your lead and are never pressured or scared into letting go of their instincts. Way to go, mama!

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  19. amazing and inspirational story, thank you for sharing xxxxxxx

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  20. Thank you for sharing...my dh often refers to me as "that crazy mother" always happy to hear form other "crazy" mothers!

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  21. That brought tears to my eyes as well... When I started reading it, my first thought was 'heart trouble'. Turns out that WAS the case. Wow! What an ordeal to go through :-(
    Big hugs!!!
    My youngest was born with major heart defects, which were diagnosed when he was 6 days old and dying. He had to have 2 open heart surgeries and he pulled through! Thanks to babywearing we were able to build a strong bond. He's now 3.5yo old, super healthy and still worn at times :-)

    Love,
    E xxx

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  22. i don't know how you did it. i felt like i was barely surviving the time between 4-6mo where it seems my son forgot how to sleep. he would scream all night sometimes even if i held him. i was told to CIO also, but i couldn't bear the thought of it.
    he grew out of it though, and there were no heart issues.

    you are a strong mother. you are amazing.

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  23. Thank you for sharing your story and fighting the good fight.

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  24. What an amazing story! Thank god for mothers like you! Thanks for sharing this. I am convinced that through sharing, we will begin to change the parenting culture in this country.

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  25. As another relentlessly attachment parent to a child with a rare disease, I raise a glass to you... My child was at the other end of the spectrum--never cried at all, the sling kept me close a child genetically unable to ask for closeness.

    I commend you for following your instincts and being an advocate for your child.

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  26. Oh, and I know foster parents who also saved their foster child's life through carrying and babywearing--she was with them because she was "supposed" to die of her rare heart defect...and then she was crawling...and walking... and talking and the specialists were dumbfounded. The mamas just said, "We never let her cry."

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  27. beautiful. thank you for sharing this.

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  28. WOW...you are amazing! I am a mother of 5 and I am not sure I would have trusted my instinct the way you did! I am just bawling in tears. God Bless you!

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  29. No words, just goosebumps. You are your daughter's hero, and she'll never forget that.

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  30. all tears here too. my third baby turns one next week and I wore them all in ring slings all the time (and was also harassed a bit about them not walking, etc). it is where we were both the happiest. excellent job trusting your gut. you are definitely inspiring.

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  31. What an amazing story. All credit to you and your instincts.

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  32. I'm passing this around to as many people as I can. People need to understand that when babies cry, it's because NEED you. Thank you for this poignant story.

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  33. WOW! You ARE A fierce mama. This is deeply moving. Thank you for following your instincts and fiercly parenting your beloved daughter.

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  34. wow
    so very well done!
    baby wearing all the way!

    i loved this part of your post
    'My responsibility to her did not end when the sun went down. '

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  35. i'm proud to be a part of baby wearing community. You are an awesome woman!!

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  36. Sarah, this story gave me goosebumps. It was truly inspirational. I am sitting here crying, holding my daughter close to my. Your story reminds me why I do not practice CIO, why I keep her close, why I hold her when she wants to.

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  37. you are an amazing mom...I applaud you!

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  38. Beautiful. A wonderful testament to the power of following our instincts.

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  39. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story.

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  40. Wow, I am a big believer in following your instincts as well but I don't know if I could have done what you did...you are inspiring. My baby stopped moving one day when I was 40 weeks pregnant, and even though I thought the doctors were going to tell me I was paranoid, I decided to go in to get checked out. I had a different experience from you in that the doctors monitored me for a few hours and then told me that I had saved my baby by coming in. I had an emergency c-section and a healthy baby boy. He had wrapped the umbilical cord around his neck 2.5 times and it was so tight that anytime he moved, he was cutting off his blood supply. He was getting very tired by holding himself in one position though, and they think he would have given up in another 12 hours or so and died. I've always trusted my gut and luckily my husband has very strong intuition as well and it has saved us a few times.

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  41. thank you so much for sharing your story. i have posted it on my facebook page and sent it to a friend who has created a project called "for crying out loud" which educates on the benefits of comforting love for our children while they cry.

    all of the children of the world thank you.

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  42. I am amazed in awe at how willingly you cared for your baby girl. I applaud your strength and don't ever let anyone tell you you did the wrong thing. My baby boy has struggled with sleeping through the night and while many people say to "CIO" I still go against that and gently go and put him right back to sleep. While many of my family and friends say it's the only way, I know differently and this only proves my belief. Thank you for loving your little girl!

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  43. You are an amazing fierce mama that has surely provided inspiration to many through your story. If only more parents would follow their instincts to nurture while parenting rather than turn to guidelines of what is best for a baby or child.

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  44. Incredible! Mummy knows best - what a fantastic story of nurturing and survival :-)

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  45. Always follow your heart and most importantly trust your instincts. You trusted your Mommy instinct and and that is what saved your little girl. Beautiful story.

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  46. i'm so sorry you both had to suffer all that time

    but wow mama. you ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    xxx

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  47. mother really does know best. You are an amazing inspiration to all of us. best wishes

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  48. You're my hero. Your instincts saved your daughter! Sharing your story . . .

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  49. I am so proud of you, even though I don't even know you. I wish there were more mothers like you out there. I'm so glad your little girl made it through!

    Prayers and love, from a stranger.

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  50. So glad that you stuck with your parenting instincts! Glad your baby girl is doing well. I am all teary eyed now.

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  51. posting for someone else who couldn't get this to work for her:

    I am so glad you listened to your heart, and not everyone else and shame on those pompous doctors who think they know everything. You give me hope for me and my child who is still up all night at 18m. I am still nursing and he's still up- he has a seziure disorder ... Read Morethat I am told "" is nothing but behavorial!"" I swear there is more than they know. Thank you for this story glad your little baby is doing well.
    Rachael

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  52. OMG you are amazing! My daughter slept on me for 4 months because when i put her down she was moaning and groaning. The only way to settle her was to place her in my chest. We slept like that for those first 4 months, afterwards she was fine. Of course i never had to go through what you did which i find amazingly strong from you, but i understand you a little bit.....i am so happy your baby is doing so well right now!....all my wishes for the best for both of you!

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  53. *tears* There is nothing like a mothers instinct - you are an amazing woman and the love you have shown your daughter is so beautiful. I don't know what else to say - wishing you all the best of luck for a wonderful and bright future together xXx

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  54. What an amazing story. I am praising God that you trusted your instincts/heart/soul in wearing your precious baby when she so desperately needed you. It is difficult not to be angry that a medical doctor did not diagnose this life-threatening condition sooner. Again I rejoice in the outcome. What a wonderful, beautiful, fierce momma you are. What a blessed little baby girl to have you for her momma. I love knowing that God chose you specially for her and vice versa. Imagine the depths of wisdom God planted in you so that you would know EVEN when ALL those people were challenging you that you needed to continue to hold her close. Imagine all the comfort you gave to her little aching body when no one else could understand those cries. A mother's heart is a gift from above. May you continue to enjoy and celebrate each and every exquisitely precious moment of life together. Sing this story from mountaintops...so many families will be blessed by it.

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  55. Thank you for sharing this. My baby too, was a failure to thrive baby, and I was also told many things you were told. She ended up having cerebral palsy. I am so glad I continued doing what I knew was right instead of giving in to mainstream parenting ideas. Thank God your baby had you for a mom! May God bless you and your baby with many wonderful moments together.

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  56. You are awesome mama! Listening to your own instincts and your baby's cues are such wise parenting skills. Wish more people would listen to themselves and their babs.

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  57. I love this so much. We are the parents and we KNOW what our babies need.

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  58. That is beautiful. So glad your precious baby is well and bless you for having the patience to put up with it. This was very moving. Thanks!

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  59. What an inspiring story! Thank you for sharing it! I strongly believe in making choices based on advocacy, intuition, and being well informed too. So blessed are you and your daughter to have each other.

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  60. Thank you for sharing your story. It is so encouraging to hear stories of mamas who trusted their gut, and I am so glad that your daughter is here with you today!

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  61. Sarah, you are an amazing mother!
    It is stories like yours that inspire mothers to listen to their hearts and do what they know is best for their children.

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  62. Thanks for sharing it! I don't know what else to say, congratulations for your intuition!

    I would like to know if I could share it in my blog, translate to spanish; I'm writting from Spain, where a lot of "babycarriers parents" would be very happy reading about your experience.

    You would meet us at www.redcanguro.org. Red Canguro is the spanish firs non-profit asociation from promoting the use of baby carriers.

    Thank you in advance ang congratulations, once again.

    Patricia

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  63. Thank you for sharing your story. My heart goes out to you and I thank you for re-affirming that we as mothers need to trust our instincts; we have them for a reason! Congratulations and continued blessings for you and your family.

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  64. Wow! I'm so glad you listened to your heart and what you thought was best for your baby. My little one has always been happiest and calmest in her carrier. Your story is an inspiration. Wishing you and your daughter a long and healthy future!

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  65. Wow! Thank you for sharing this most touching story. I also knew mom knows best. Well done for following your instinct.

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  66. That's amazing. I shared this on Facebook. How is your dear little daughter today? You are both so inspirational. I'm so glad you shared this. It made a difference to me.

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  67. Mommy does know best. Blessings to you.

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  68. Beautiful story mama. So glad you were able to stay strong against the nay-sayers and follow your mama's instinct. Thanks for sharing ;-)

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  69. I read this story last night & have not been able to stop thinking about it.

    What an amazing gift God has given us mamas in our mother's intuition!

    So glad you listened to yours!

    Hugs to you & your daughter!

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  70. Quite heart wrenching to read that a helpless tiny baby suffered repeated heart attacks and the Drs couldnt' diagnose it. Am in tears. You are an awesome mother and it makes me want to be a much more better mother than I already am to my little one. You are an inspiration to all mothers out there. God bless.

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  71. Thank you for following your instincts!! Too many times, we forget that we're wired to be moms and know more than 'society'. THank you for the reminder!! Babywearers Unite! :)

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  72. Amazing, mama. You are a powerful mama bear and your children are blessed to be yours. Much love to you.

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  73. Hello- I have read this five times and I am confused. How did babywearing save the baby from a heart defect? I was a babywearing mom, too. I don't understand the correlation! I apologize... if someone could explain that would be great

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    1. HI Danielle,
      I had the same question, my understanding is that it would be particularly beneficial in a heart problem. This is because, the baby's defective heart might have gotten in resonance (like the physics term) with the mom's heart and so mechanically the heart continued to function by moving to the beat of mom's heart.

      Lots of things we don't understand, such as how do periods of women who live together get synchronized and occur at the same time?! Isn't is puzzling?

      Thanks mom for this story, it moved me to tears.. kudos and good luck to you and your precious little ones!

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  74. You are a wonderful mother. Amazing story.

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  75. Danielle, it possibly helped because the way the baby was situated in the sling relieved stress on the baby. It could also be the fact that the baby felt safe when mom is near.

    Truly amazing story, Sarah. You have a strength I couldn't even begin to imagine.

    -James

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  76. What an amazing story. Thank you so much for sharing. It's so amazing to me that moms always seem to KNOW when something is not right. Bless you for having the strength to ignore the snide comments to continue to parent as you felt was right.

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  77. What an incredible story! I'm in tears also.. I'm just touched, I don't really know what else to say :)

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  78. Danielle, the only place she would stop screaming was the sling. As long as she was in the sling, she cried less. I never felt compelled to let her just scream because we HAD a coping method. Even at 2 am, I could pop her in the sling until she quieted. She almost never crawled, didnt walk, etc. Her body simply rested in the sling and it saved her heart from working itself into a heart attack ( literally ). The doctor feels that had I taken the advice to just let her cry, she would have died.

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  79. Wow... reminds us all to follow our instincts and our heart when it comes to our kids.

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  80. Your story is inspirational. I'm so glad that you followed your instincts and gave your baby what comforted her (and saved her life!). I'm a parent too and there's just so much bad advice out there, and it's so frightening to stand up and say No, I will not do what everyone else tells me to do because I don't think it's right for my child.

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  81. As so many others have said - wow. How blessed your daughter is to have such a wise and strong mama, and what an inspiration you are to every parent who wonders whether to trust their instincts. Thank you for sharing your story.

    (via TBW)

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  82. We need to get this story out there. Seriously. More people need to know about the life-saving benefits of this kind of parenting!! :-) You are an amazing momma and I salute you!

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  83. I'm sorry for all you endured, but I admire your strength to do what's right for your baby against all odds, against what everyone else said. God bless you! <3

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  84. God made us moms for a reason. Our instincts go far beyond what a pediatrician can learn in all their years of residency.

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  85. You are awesome, mama! I got a lot of the same "you're spoiling him/her" and "how will s/he ever learn to walk?" crap with my two babes, and they were healthy little buggers! I'm so glad you listened to your heart - and saved your daughter's.

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  86. Thank you for sharing your story. It's amazing and powerful.

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  87. OMGosh! I am sobbing & I thank GOD that you are such a wonderful mother. Please never stop telling your story!

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  88. Amazing. It is so important for mamas to remember that we are given a gift of deep connection to our babies and we need to respect that and LISTEN to it! Fantastic job mama!

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  89. Amazing, she is a true miracle.......thanks for sharing your story....

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  90. you are awesome. this made me cry so hard. i can't relate to the health issue, but i can relate to the screaming and arching. my son screamed and arched soooo much as a newborn. i never ever ever let him CIO. you had the sling as your quieting too---i had my yoga ball to bounce him on (was all the worked). people made comments to me as well. your daughter is alive because of your attached mothering. your instincts are perfect. my son still wakes up so much at night---and i get so many comments about it. like you said, our responsibilities as parents DO NOT stop just because the sun goes down. you're a true inspiration. i'm so glad i read this story. thank you for sharing.

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  91. You are amazing! I have never practiced the CIO method ... but after reading this I NEVER WILL! Way to gp mama!

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  92. I have been there. I know what it is like to have the doctors say there is nothing wrong when you heart tells you there is. Thank goodness you wore her as often as you did. You carried her through the worst just as God carried you.

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  93. You are so courageous. I thank God for His mercies on your daughter and the whole family. He is faithful to His words.

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  94. I love the line " My responsibility to her did not end when the sun went down"

    I think it is so hard to cope sometimes at night, when you're so tired and over it, puts everything in GREAT perspective!

    Tears are flowing:)

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  95. Good for you, Mama! You are so strong. Thank you for sharing your story.

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  96. Absolutely amazing. You are such a strong mama! Proof that mama knows best.

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  97. As so many others have said, I am in tears and in awe of you. While my story isn't quite as dramatic, I ended up demanding to be induced because I knew in my heart that my baby was in trouble so flat out told my OB that my child would not survive to my next appointment. She heard the conviction in my voice and scheduled my induction. After a complicated delivery that ended in a c-section, my almost flat placenta was delivered. It was analyzed and I was correct; she had, at most, 4 days until it stopped functioning entirely and she would have been stillborn. After that I will NEVER doubt my instincts.

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  98. good for you mama
    inspirational story!

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  99. wow - I'm speachless, and in tears. I wish more people understood how important it is to carry their babies closely like this - I try to do the same with my daughter (4 months) as much as I can.

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  100. What an inspiration you are. I'm so glad you were able to figure out what was going on with her. My prayers with be with you and your family.

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  101. It's so good to hear that you listened to your own inner voice instead of what the doctors were saying. Went through something similar with my eldest son's milk allergy. You are brave.

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  102. As everyone else, I am just speechless and in tears! What a good and amazing mama you are! Thank God that you didn't give up, didn't listen to all of them! To me, you are a true hero!!! You deserve Mother of the Year! How beautiful that you have your precious daughter to fill your days because you loved her enough to do whatever you could for her! Thank you for sharing your story. You have seriously blessed me and I will share it with others!!!
    May the Lord bless you!!!!

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  103. thank you for your inspiring story

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  104. Wow, mama...what an incredible story! Thank God your baby is alive! Good for you, honoring your baby's needs and not giving in to fear. Your little one is so blessed to have you as her mother!

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  105. WOW, you are amazing and your little girls is absolutely BLESSED to have you as her Mama. The two of you will triumph in life together. You are trully an insipration to moms everywhere.

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  106. Speechless. You are beautiful.

    Jody

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  107. Seeing all the women inspired by this is almost as inspiring as the story :)

    I wore my son as well. It's great for healthy babies too! No baby wants to be left alone to cry in the dark without the warmth of mama, the calming of her voice, the soothing melody of her beating heart...

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  108. I'm sending you all my love. *tearing right now*

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  109. wow you're daughter is lucky to have an angel of a mama like you.. thank you for sharing your story and this just proves how great babywearing is!i aspire to be a patient mother as you have been to your child

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  110. Oh mama I could have written your post! My son was 10 days old when he was put on life support and life flighted to another state due to his heart defects. He had almost no aorta and almost no left ventricle. When asked how I kept him alive for 10 days (they are usually gone within 5 days at most)at home with no intervention I told the doctors I slung him. It is amazing isn't it? I am so glad your wee one is ok.
    ((((hugs)))
    Shauna, another slingin CHD mama

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  111. amazing. you and your daughter both. man, I'm in tears. thank you for trusting your instincts, and being an inspiration for others to do the same ((hugs))

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  112. What a horrible thing to learn, after all that time KNOWING something was wrong and the doctors not listening. I sure hope you told them what had happened to your daughter and what would have happened to her had you let her CIO or not carry her. You're a great mama.

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  113. Nothing beats a mamas instinct. When will Docs figure that out?? Great job girlie.

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  114. you're my hero! I don't have a story like yours but I never took all the advice given to me about CIO. I always held my babies through naps and let them sleep in bed with me at night, as both are high-needs kids. Now, my son is the most confident little boy and he did end up sleeping by himself in his own room eventually without us forcing it before he was 2 years old. I've never heard of a mom who said that she regretted holding her child too much. Moms just know best.

    I was wondering if you could re-post this in another blog i am just in the middle of creating this month. It is a new resource blog for moms where other moms write in advice for other moms. It will have anything from parenting advice, working mom advice, exercise tips, product reviews, housekeeping tips, beauty tips, autism, attachment parenting, adoption, pregnancy, marriage help, recipes, potty training, infant loss/miscarriage, ways to entertain toddlers, homeschooling, vaccinations, breastfeeding vs formula, living with preemies, multiples, tips on how to integrate devotional time when you have a bunch of kiddos and NO time - you name it! The list of possibilities is endless.

    I would absolutely LOVE to have this post or any other post from you (or for that matter, anyone who has something good to say) in the near future on any topic you are willing to advise that you think might help other mothers, whatever your expertise or passion is. It could be as short or as long as you'd like. If you're really ambitious, you can write about more than one topic! And, of course, you could promote your website/blog or any other services as well, if you have any. Just email me at kitekoop AT gmail DOT com.

    Keep up the EXCELLENT work with that baby. Prayers your way!

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  115. Yay!

    Always, always, always follow your mommy gut.

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  116. Wow!
    Those who know about heart issues. I've googled it since reading this story but didn't find much. My little boy is almost 2 and still doesn't sleep through the night. We've have many nights of him thrashing in my arms unwilling to be soothed or nurse. Where every time I tried to lay him down he woke and cried so we slept in the recliner with me holding him. When he was only a few months old the pediatritian said she heard a heart murmur. Took him to the Children's Hospital and they did a scan (MRI I believe) and said it was nothing, just hearing the blood moving through the aorta. Now at a new pediatrician who knew nothing about the previous heart murmur thought asked if I'd ever been told about his heart murmur. He's 20 months now and she heard it too. I explained what I'd been told that it was nothing and not to worry about it unless something came up again. She says it's probably just an innocent heart murmur that he'll grow out of and we should just watch it. My mother's instinct is to get it checked out. I know my grandma had a murmur and I have a faint murmur that only a couple of doctors have heard when checking me.
    His weight gain is fine and he's otherwise healthy except for delay in expressive speech. So I don't know if the possible hearing a murmur and the sleepless nights and arching back for some unknown reason are enough to get things checked out more. Please email if you have advice starshinesis @hotmail.com
    Thanks
    And thanks for the re-affirmation that my instincts are right when I've held and carried my baby boys, and nursed them until almost 2 years old despite others comments against how I choose to raise my children.

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  117. Wow! What an amazing and wonderful story!

    I am immensely blessed to have 5 healthy children here (and one in Heaven). I discovered babywearing in a major way with my 4th, and I got similar comments, from strangers or relatives, not medical care providers, but still...

    I now look back and laugh, as I point out my 7yo rough and tumble boy who would "never learn to walk if he spent all day in that thing." And also my energetic 4yo who loves to dance, knit, and sing. She is no worse for wear that she spent months nestled close to me in a sling.

    I have a friend who is a foster-momma, and I made her a wrap sling, as that is the only kind that really works with her back issues (according to her). She has cared for:

    A newborn who was born drug addicted, and is now about to turn two, walking and talking right on track. That baby lived in the sling almost every time I saw her for the first few months.

    A baby who was shaken so badly the doctors were certain he would die. He did not die, and when he left my friend's care, he was not only alive, he was alert, trying to crawl, smiling and vocalizing, and overall thriving. Time will tell how much permanent damage he may have, but he's defied all predictions so far.

    A child who had been through 4 foster homes in under 3 months, was left to CIO until he would shriek ear-piercing shrill screams. He was beginning to show signs of reactive attachment disorder (to the point he would resist being hugged) when he came to live with her. Now, he will cuddle up with his foster-parents, he smiles and plays, he's begun trying to walk and he even made his first attempts to speak while in their care. He still has night terrors, but the shrieking is decreasing as he learns he will be heard, and not ignored, and re-learns how to love and be loved.

    Holding a tiny helpless baby safe and close is not unnatural. Listening and responding to their cries is not "spoiling" them. It cannot be said enough times!

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  118. *tears* wow!, just wow!!! what a wonderful story.

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  119. YOU ARE FvCKING AWESOME! :)

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  120. Wow, thank you for this story. Going to cuddle my baby now.

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  121. Thank you for this beautiful story. I'm so glad it turned out ok, and it reminds me to be thankful for what we have and to trust our mommy instincts. Nice work, mama!

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  122. A mothers instinct is a very powerful thing and can,as your case showed, save your childs life. i cant imagine what it must have been like for you, as a mother being ridiculed for what you KNEW was best for your baby,i was glad to see things worked out. thank you for reminding me to always trust my motherly instincts. may
    God continue to watch over you and your sweet little girl

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  123. That story made me cry. It's awful you had to go through that. It's awful nobody listened and it's just plain ridiculous to criticize the only thing that is working. Our society and the way it treats our most precious and helpless makes me sick.

    You are an amazing mother and an inspiration to us all

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  124. I read this imagining the pain you would have felt if you'd found out how much pain she'd been in and had been leaving her to CIO.
    Bless both of you!

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  125. *tears* an amazing show of strength! an awesome account of following one's intuition! you are a fierce mama! may you and your daughter be always blessed!

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  126. I'm a 27 year-old single guy, not exactly the demographic to get all emotional about stuff like this. But this story moved me to tears.

    It's a long story, but I've done a lot of research and study on this AP vs CIO parenting style debate, and I've never felt comfortable with CIO. And I do think that a mother's instincts should never be ignored. But I'm sure that there will be times when I as a father (someday, I hope!) will be on the wrong side of a parenting debate with my wife (someday, I hope!).

    "Fierce" mamas can be frustrating or annoying sometimes, but it's usually because they end up being right and making the people who "know better" look like fools. I pray that I'm someday blessed with a fierce mama for a wife, and that I'll recognize when to back off and let her instincts lead the way.

    Maybe it's a good sign that my girlfriend sent me this article. =)

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  127. Praise God! I remember my son's first three to four months. He was only calm and content if he was in my arms. People told me to let him cry it out, but I just couldn't. Finally at four months he began to sleep on his own. I praise God you did what you knew your baby girl needed :)

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  128. Thank you so much. As I cry while reading this, all I can say is thank you thank you thank you. On behalf of your precious daughter, for babies out there who cry and get left alone, thank you. You were not spoiling your child - you were loving her, and saving her life. Thank you. You are an inspiration!

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  129. wow amazing! u are one great mother!!

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  130. I was a NICU nurse for 25 yrs. All I can say is wow, what a great, touching story! And such am affirmation for listening to our own hearts & instincts.

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  131. Oh my god I can't stop crying. What an amazing story and I'm so incredibly happy this had a happy ending. ...Amazing...

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  132. That was beautiful! Thank you for trusting your instincts.

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  133. Incredible. I will be thinking of this all day.

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  134. You are and always will be a miracle worker! Against all odds your daughter survived and flourished not because of advances in medicine or because of the caring support of Doctors. NO it was because of a mother's devotion and love for her child. YOU knew what she needed, still know what she needs. Most of us will know more than Doctors and the so called experts, because when it all comes down to it WE are the experts of our children.

    I'm so happy to hear that your beautiful daughter is doing well. Continue being the amazing mother that you are to those darling girls. Thank you for promoting baby wearing and reminding and educating us what it is really about.

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  136. All I can say is wow! This brought tears to my eyes. You are truly a blessed mother. Here's to many more years of joy and happiness for you and your family.

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  137. So very glad your wonderful daughter had a mother who trusted her instincts. My story is not a life-and-death one (that we know) but similar in many ways.

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  138. I loved reading this. Thank you. I don't believe in CIO either. I believe a baby is crying for a reason... be it a heart condition or fear of the large, dark, empty room they have woken up in. You're stong and I am very happy to hear that she is a happy toddler :)

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  139. Thank you for your inspiration. I have shared your story with many mothers and expectant mothers over the last few years. Recently having had a second child, I just reread it and cried just as much as when I first read it. You are a model for all of us mothers who are forced to defend our instincts.

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  140. Wow.... so glad to have read this tonight! I have a 4yr,2yr, and 7 wk old. My middle (only girl) was a very Mommy needy baby. From birth she screamed if anyone else held her 95% of the time (even more if awake). She wouldn't take a bottle so staying with Daddy wasn't an option until about 9 months. Now my little guy is not quite this bad but still very much wants me. (I know babies are supposed to be attached to mothers, but my oldest would go to ANYONE. We lived in a community environment in the ministry and he had lots of opportunities to do that, with me nearby of course.) It's so hard when they both desperately want me and only me, especially in the middle of the night since they almost always wake at the same time. I am getting pretty drained with this, but reading this gives me a little boost to keep going!! Thank you.

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  141. Way to go Momma! If we just listen to the needs of babies, no matter how demanding they seem, it is ALWAYS beneficial to that baby!

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  142. Wow, good for you for following your mama instincts and not caving to what the "experts" told you. I am the mom to nine children, and never have I ever used the CIO method. It just goes against every mama instinct I have inside me. Reading your story, I have no doubt that newborns and infants are never meant to cry it out. They cry for a reason, and it's our jobs to figure out why, and if we can't...then we hold them while they cry so that they know we are there, that they are loved, and that they are not alone.

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    1. 9! That is amazing, too! :) I have my first little angel, and though I have been told repeatedy to let him CIO, I refuse to do it. I can't imagine how exhausted you have been, but you, too, are inspiring! :)

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  143. <3 You are an amazing momma. Reading your story gave me chills and brought tears to my eyes.

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  144. My son had heart surgery at 2 weeks old. When he went in his heart filled %80 of his chest. He had stopped nursing and could barely take a single breath. He would scream and is sounded like a howler monkey. He couldnt sleep and the only time he was comfortable was when he was in my arms. I went through the same things as you did. I have no words to share except, I OVERstand (not just understand).

    The best lactation consultant I have ever encountered once told me that when she lectures to doctors she always reminds them to listen to moms because "by the time a baby is a few weeks old the mother knows that baby better than anybody or any Dr. ever could. Mothers may not have the vocabulary or medical background to say exactly what is wrong but they know when something just isn't right. Its up to the Dr. to follow moms gut instincts"

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  145. What a totally wonderful mother you are!! Like you I too carried my child for ages, not to the extend that you did but like you it was the only way that she would stop crying, 90% of all her baby photo's are of either her father or I holding her in an upright position so she would stop crying and sleep. Our diagnosis was severe reflux followed by multiple food allergies and intolerance's... Our daughter is now 5 yrs and is still battling reflux and allergies and yes she still sleeps upright . . .

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  146. You arr an AMAZING mother whose story brought me to tears. I cannot imagine how you must have felt hearing that your daughter had been having heart attacks all that time. And I COMMEND you greatly that you trusted your mama-instinct instead of following doctor's orders. Enjoy your daughters... you all SO deserve it. Love and life to you!

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  147. Kudos to you, mama, for going with your gut.

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  148. Wow...this brings tears...just wow! Had you listened to that "doctor" who told you to put her in another room and CIO...that'd have killed her...but you knew better than that "educated" man...wow...what an awesome future your little girl has with you as her mother! xx

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  149. I read this last night and it confirmed my belief in babywearing and refusing to use CIO.

    My heart goes out to you and your family for what you have been through.

    I have shared your story on my facebook so people might understand why I do not agree with CIO and stress that a baby crys for a reason.

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  150. Way to go with your instincts mama!!!

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  151. Heartbreaking but amazing. Will share.

    Nev

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  152. I'm sorry, I'm sure you want to condemn controlled crying with this story, I think you should have her medically checked sooner. As I worked in Early parenting centres and continue to work in maternal and Child health we would NEVER condone letting a baby cry for extended periods- just as we would NEVER allow prolonged baby wearing with no weight gain! We would ensure you had medical attention- obviously this wasn't followed up and for this I am sorry for you. But please don't use your one example against controlled crying, which you were never practising in the first place.

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    1. But HAD she listened to all the people that I can imagine told her to CIO (I had a son later diagnosed with epilepsy, and I was told to let him cry by several pedis because his problems were "behavioral!" Boy, they were wrong.), he baby would not have survived, so yes, parents need to be aware that you NEVER know for 100% that a baby is not crying because of a physical condition. Also, emotional needs are needs too. It sounds like she DID check into, but doctor after doctor told her her baby was fine (as the case with my son for 18 months). Doctors are humans. They miss things. This is in no way the mother's fault. I stand behind her 100% and I think it is awful that you would make her question whether she could have done something sooner.

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    2. Crazy typos. Slow keyboard. Oh well.

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  153. Wow, amazing story. I am a father of 4, 2 are twins. We have had our ups and downs concerning health, but all are fine. We would allow the children to cry but only for 15 or 20 min. We would then go get them and comfort them until they were asleep or soothed and repeat. I find it concerning that your child's heart condition wasn't discovered earlier. Our pediatrician loves us because we won't take our children in unless we are completely at the end of our rope and think that time, fluids, and the B.R.A.T. diet are not the solution. So, when he sees our kids he is looking for anything and everything. He gives us best and worst case scenarios that have been upsetting at times but I appreciate his honesty. I applaud you for following your instincts, and am sorry that your health care providers didn't do a good job in diagnosing the problem.

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  154. That cocky pediatrician would have killed your baby. He could have just said he didn't know. He could've admitted her then or given you the name and No. of a specialist (I thought chest X-rays were routine.) He does NOT get to say you shouldn't mother your baby or that her crying is your fault, THAT WAS NOT HIS TERRITORY. Successful lawsuits get providers and businesses to change their behavior. I might look for a productive way to take this guy to task.

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  155. This is such an amazing story. Way to stick with your gut instinct! I'm so happy there was a positive outcome.

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  156. What an amazing, encouraging, and empowering story!

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  157. What a testament to following your gut. Thank you for sharing your story. It's beautiful.

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  158. I also have no words, just tears. You are an inspiration to all mothers. The love you have for your child overwhelms me, in a good way.

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  159. Simply incredible. Inspiring. I am a huge advocate of baby wearing and No-cry options. I always say, "You never know for sure why a baby is crying." I also believe that even if they are just lonely, that is a real need. I have a son who has had a series of health issues, and we had some real scares with him. I get those same looks, but I know what I am doing is what is best for my son. God bless you!

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  160. What an inspiration you are to ALL mothers! We all need to listen to our instincts! Thank God you did and you have 2 wonderful girls!

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  161. Well done for believing in yourself, you are an amazing woman.

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  162. WOW!!! You are amazing and inspirational... In total tears right now... I have a VERY fussy baby and don't know how to deal some days... but reading your story helps put things in perspective.. next time he is crying and thrashing about, I'll be sure to hold him a little closer, instead of putting him down!!

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  164. I am in tears, thinking about the pain and suffering your daughter went through, unable to voice it out, except through crying. And I am inspired by the limitless love and tireless comfort you gave her. I find it hard sometimes to deal with the crying and screaming, and have lost my temper before...I will always remember your story now, and count my beloved blessings. I hope your daughter is now well, and am sure your mother-daughter bond will last forever.

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  165. thank you for sharing. this brought tears to my eyes. so inspirational momma!

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  166. Wow, such an amazing story! Tears flowing over here.

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  167. Amazing story, well done amazing mum!!!!!!! Loads and loads of love from another mum, from Chile

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  168. Amazing story, it brought tears in my eyes. Thank to mama from Chile I got to read it.

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  169. thank you for sharing your story. your story brings tears to my eyes! (i guess it's a mummy thing)
    i am with you and against CIO!
    hugs and cuddles are the way to go!
    you are an amazing mom! <3

    love hugs and cuddles all the way from singapore to you and Milla!!

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  170. What an amazing, amazing story. Way to go mama!

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  171. Wow! I can't imagine the pain you felt that first year as you struggled to find what was causing her crying. What a testimony!

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  172. nothing to say really, you leave me in tears, as a father I have worn 3 babies now, not because it was life and death but because it felt right, they probably needed it on a different level. Thank you for your story

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  173. A beautiful story - thankyou for sharing it. I read it in tears, and my husband followed suit. We are parents of a child with a congenital heart condition, diagnosed at birth, and we have worn him throughout our many stays in hospital. Wearing him, when it is possible, brings about healing. And it creates certainty for him in an uncertain environment. That is exactly what you were doing each and every day that you carried her. She is so lucky to have you.

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  174. Thank you for the best cry I have had in a while. Thank you for being strong enough to share and having been strong enough to fight everybody who said anything to you about how you were treating your daughter. With mom's in the world like you, I know our next generation will be great!

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  175. What a brave thing you did to stand up against what other people said and to fight for you baby {and yourself}. You go mama.

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  176. Thank you for sharing your story I am in tears,,,what a great example of how much mother instinct is involved in being a mama, thank you Father for giving us this wonderful instinct that has saved a precious life!!!!
    You GO Mama you rock!!!!

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  177. Rock on, Mama. You have kicked the butt of all the odds and trusted your intuition - and thanks to that, your beautiful daughter is still here today. I'm so sorry that the doctors didn't catch this sooner, and that because of that, nothing was done for so very long. You are truly amazing and so is your beautiful little girl! Blessed be!

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  178. Your story is so inspiring it almost brought me to years! Your are a true inspiration. God has a reason for Mila to be here.

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  179. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are an inspiration.

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  180. can't stop the tears. Sooooo amazed by your story!

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